Let me tell you about a moment that had me laughing at myself last weekend. There I was – someone who literally teaches about boundaries for a living – apologizing to my partner for... absolutely nothing.
Yes, you read that right. I, your friendly neighbuorhood boundaries advocate and die hard feminist, caught myself falling right back into that "good girl" programming, automatically saying "sorry" for simply having needs. (The irony is not lost on me! 😄)
But here's why I'm sharing this slightly embarrassing moment with you: It perfectly illustrates something we don't talk about enough when it comes to boundaries. They're messy. They're imperfect. And even when you think you've got them figured out, that old programming can sneak right back in and surprise you.
The Perfect Woman Trap
Let's be real for a minute. We've all been handed this script of what the "perfect woman" looks like: selfless, always available, putting everyone else's needs first, and somehow managing to do it all with a smile with the lastest fashion trends. It's exhausting just writing that list!
This ideal we're supposed to live up to isn't just unrealistic – it's designed to keep us small, quiet, and perpetually apologizing for taking up space. Sound familiar?
This isn't a personal failure, the system is rigged to make you feel that you're always failing no matter how hard you try.
Breaking Free from the "Sorry" Cycle
Here's what I want you to know: That friction you feel between who you're "supposed" to be and who you actually are? That's not a sign that something's wrong with you. It's a sign that something's wrong with the script.
The space between the mask of perfection and your authentic self is where burnout lives. It's where overwhelm sets up camp. And it's exactly where we need to focus our attention if we want to truly thrive.
Again, burnout isn't a personal failure, the system is rigged!
Your Future Self Has Your Back
Want to know my favourite tool for breaking free from these patterns? It's something I call "Future Self Consulting." (Fancy name, simple concept, powerful results.)
Here's how it works:
- Imagine yourself 5-10 years in the future, living your dream life
- Get specific: What does she wear? Where does she live? What makes her laugh?
- Most importantly: What would she tell you about the boundaries you're struggling with right now?
Your future self is like your personal boundary-setting guru. She's already figured out how to say "no" without guilt, how to prioritize her needs without apology, and how to live life on her own terms. And guess what? She's literally you. All that wisdom? It's already inside you.
Permission to Be Messy
Here's the beautiful truth I've learned along this journey: Setting boundaries isn't about reaching some perfect state of never people-pleasing again. It's about recognizing when we slip into old patterns and having the compassion to guide ourselves back to what we know is true.
Sometimes that means:
- Catching yourself mid-apology and laughing about it
- Recognizing the "good girl" programming when it kicks in
- Remembering that every "no" to someone else can be a "yes" to yourself
Your Turn to Thrive
The path from burnout to thriving isn't a straight line. It's more like a squiggly doodle drawn by a creative toddler – messy, unpredictable, and perfectly imperfect. And that's exactly how it should be.
You don't need another article telling you the "5 Perfect Steps to Setting Boundaries." What you need is permission to figure out your own way, to write your own rules, and to define success on your terms.
So consider this your official permission slip to:
- Say "yes" to yourself more often
- Ditch the perfect woman script
- Embrace the mess of growing and changing
- Trust that you already know what you need
Remember: Your future self isn't waiting for you to be perfect. She's waiting for you to be real. And she's already cheering you on.
Want to dive deeper into this conversation? Listen to the full episode HERE where we explore all this and more. And please, share your own "sorry not sorry" moments with me on social media – I'd love to hear your story!
Because at the end of the day, we're all in this messy, beautiful journey together. And that's exactly how it should be.
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