Let's talk about something that might make you squirm in your ergonomic office chair: the endless exhausting pursuit of being liked. Yes, *that* compulsive need to be the office sweetheart, the always-available friend, and the never-say-no superhero who somehow manages to bake perfect cupcakes for the school fundraiser while crushing quarterly targets.
Sound familiar? Pull up a seat (and maybe pour yourself that glass of wine you've been saving for a "special occasion" – this is it).
The Good Girl Trap: Your Perfectly Polished Prison
Here's the thing about being the "good girl" – it's like wearing Spanx to every meeting, social event, and family gathering of your life. Sure, everything looks smooth on the outside, but we're all silently counting down the seconds until we can rip that restrictive facade off and breathe freely again.
As high-achieving women, we've mastered this performance art:
- Be smart, but not too smart (heaven forbid we intimidate anyone)
- Be attractive, but not too attractive (professional, please!)
- Be assertive, but not aggressive (smile more!)
- Be perfect, but also authentically imperfect (but only in an Instagram-worthy way)
Exhausted yet? I thought so.
The Plot Twist: What If Being Unlikable Was Your Superpower?
Here's a revolutionary thought that might just change your life: What if you invested your energy in being liked by people who are actually like you?
I know, it's wild. But stay with me here.
Think about it: Why are we contorting ourselves into human pretzels trying to win approval from people who don't share our values, don't respect our boundaries, and probably wouldn't even want to split a bottle of wine with us on a Friday night?
What changed the game for me, was realizing that when someone likes me, they're seeking something in ME that reminds THEM of themselves.
If I don't like them but I'm hustling for them to like me, and they do - it means that I'm like them. And do you want to be like someone you don't even like?
The DNA of People-Pleasing
Our need to belong is literally hardwired into our DNA (thanks, evolution!). Back in our cave-dwelling days, being liked meant survival. Being unliked meant you might end up as a saber-toothed tiger's dinner special.
But here's the modern plot twist: We're no longer living in tribes of 150 people where universal likability was a survival skill. Yet here we are, still trying to win over Karen from accounting who passive-aggressively comments on our "brave" choice to leave the office at 5 PM for our kid's recital.
Your Permission Slip to Be Unlikable
Starting today, I'm giving you permission (not that you needed it) to be unlikable to people who aren't like you. This isn't about being unkind or unprofessional – it's about stopping the exhausting performance of perpetual people-pleasing.
Ask yourself:
- Do they share your values?
- Do they respect your boundaries?
- Would you want to be like them?
- Do they bring joy or drain your energy?
If the answers are mostly "no," why are you doing Olympic-level gymnastics to win their approval?
The Liberation of Selective Likability
Here's what happens when you embrace being unlikable:
1. You reclaim countless hours of energy previously spent on people-pleasing
2. Your authentic relationships deepen
3. Your boundaries become clearer
4. That constant background anxiety of "am I good enough?" starts to fade
5. You might actually start enjoying your life instead of performing it
Your Invitation to Freedom
The good girl mask might feel safe, but it's slowly suffocating your spirit. It's time to retire the performance and step into your authentic, messy, gloriously imperfect self.
Will everyone like this version of you? Nope.
Will the right people love this version of you? Absolutely.
So, here's your challenge: This week, try being unlikable. Share that opinion in the meeting. Say no to that obligation that makes your stomach churn. Let yourself be seen – really seen – by your people.
Because at the end of the day, being unlikable to the wrong people might just be the key to being truly loved by the right ones.
*Ready to drop the good girl act but need support along the way? Let's connect! Share your "unlikable" moments with me in the comments below or reach out for one-on-one coaching to discover how liberating authenticity can be.*
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